The past few years of my life have been anything but easy. I used to have the best diet, and I felt great. I looked great. I felt I looked great. I was very happy with my appearance. But then life happened. Stresses came up. It seems I've hopped from one stressful situation to another almost non-stop for the past 2 1/2 years, and it has taken a toll on how I have been treating my body. It was easy when I was with my son's dad, he was anal about every penny that was spent, making it easy to cook at home for every meal. In addition, I had an extra set of hands to help out with my son when I had my attention on cooking. But I'm no longer in that relationship, I have a different job, I work different hours, and since my son is only with me half the time now, I don't like ignoring him to spend time in the kitchen for a couple hours just to cook dinner. It's a very time consuming activity, cooking is. You know what, let's be honest here. I got lazy. It became so easy to just eat out, or order food to be delivered. I started going out with friends (something I rarely did when I was in my previous relationship), friends who did not have the same outlook on food the way I did. I also became inactive....from working out 6 days per week to rarely working out at all. And my increased weight reflected that. Slowly the weight crept back on, and before I knew it I had gained back all the weight I had lost when my son was born. Somehow I know that while my weight is the same as it was prior to getting pregnant, I still look much better than I did before. But that does not make it any easier to accept, that all that hard work I had put into my health is now reflected as being for nothing but to be able to say to myself that I know it is possible. It is possible for me to be happy with my appearance. It is possible to lose the weight. It is possible to eat healthy, to exercise regularly. I CAN do it, because I have done it before. So why has it taken repeated attempt to get back on the horse? And why have I fallen off it time and time again? I was back on track working out over the summer, 7 weeks strong of working out 6 days a week, and then I got into a major car accident. A car accident that induced so much stress on me that I was unable to do any physical activity without feeling completely and utterly worn out. I allowed myself to recover emotionally, and yet as per usual, once off the horse I've struggled to get back on it - AGAIN. Finally this past week I was weighed and when I saw the numbers back to where they were before I had my son, I knew I had to make changes. I am an actress, yet I hate how I look on camera. My weight has been holding me back all these years, because when I audition, instead of letting go and just doing the scene, I worry about how I look. Do I have a double chin? Are my boobs popping out of my bra since they have grown so dang much over the past couple years? Do I have a muffin top because I refuse to purchase larger clothes, because I keep telling myself I will lose the weight again? Do I even look like the character, because with added pounds I probably look like a character actor. These are things I think about. I don't feel comfortable getting my headshots updated because I refuse to do headshots while I'm at my larger size. Additionally, my boobs are so big they make my body look large and my head look small. Of course I am sure I'm overreacting, but who cares! These are my thoughts. I am so tired of my weight holding me back, because I lack the confidence needed to 'put myself out there'.
So the day after I was weighed and realized I'd actually reversed everyhing I had worked so hard for in the past, I contacted my friend/roommates grandmother who also sells Shaklee products. Knowing they have a weight loss program, I asked her for help. She got me everything I needed to get started THAT DAY (that was a week ago today). And thus, my journey has begun.
I actually kind of hope nobody ever reads this blog, it's kind of embarassing. I can't believe I've done this to myself. And even with all the tools needed to succeed right at my fingertips (it really doesn't get any easier than this), I'm still not doing it perfectly.
On the Shaklee 180 Day Turnaround program, you have two shakes per day, and one regular meal. It also includes meal replacement bars, snack bars, a box of energizing tea packets, and metabolism boost pills. Everything in this program is hella good. I mean absolutely DELICIOUS. I have not failed to have a single shake/meal bar since I began the program, however my willpower to avoid eating unhealthy foods in addition to it has been less than stellar. Let's review yesterday and this morning:
I have a shake for breakfast and another for dinner, leaving lunch up to me. For lunch yesterday I bought a frozen pizza from the market, came hom and ate half of it. A couple nights ago I had a handful of Hershey's Kisses before bed.
This morning I had a couple bites of my son's cocoa puffs cereal. But this blog is here to help me hold myself accountable. I need a place I can record what I eat, therefore I can keep track of how I am doing.
I have not been very active since I began the program. I do intend to begin this coming Tuesday, and i look forward to keeping myself accountable for that also, via this blog.
My goal of course is to be healthy and confident in my skin. However the lowest weight I have ever been in my adult life was right when my ex and I broke up, which was 118 lbs. I am looking to have more muscle this time around, so I'm going to set my goal to be around 125 lbs.
